this is very important.

i was just talking to breton, and i can't remember how we got on the subject, but suddenly i was like, "do you remember those chinese fortune teller things from grammar school?" and she said yes and i was like "i wonder if i can still make them" and so i took a sheet of looseleaf paper and started folding and refolding and a few minutes later i was holding my very own chinese fortune teller!

i couldn't believe that i remembered how to do it. lest our generation should lose this valuable skill, i hereby take it upon myself to record the construction of a Chinese Fortune Teller (TM) for posterity. and your own entertainment. Follow Along At Home, Kids!

1. Getchoo a square piece of paper (you can cut off/fold down the excess of a piece of looseleaf paper--looseleaf is good for that oldskool look).
2. Fold the four corners of the square in towards the center.
3. Flip the new, smaller square over.
4. Fold the four corners of the new, smaller square in towards the center.
5. Fold and unfold your square in half (to make a crease).
6. Fold and unfold your square in half the other way (ditto).

now you have the basic shape. if you flip the square over,  you should have four flaps that all open at the center of the square. those are for your fingers (thumb and forefinger of right and left hands). you stick your fingers in the flaps and then kinda pinch your square together, so it folds along both half-lines. if you're doing it right, the finger flaps should meet in a point at the center and the flaps should flare out from the point.

here comes the fun part (i may not have gotten this part quite right--correct me if you think i'm wrong):

the finger flaps are labelled with numbers--one number per flap. pick four numbers between one and twenty and label each flap.

now flip your square over. there should be four sections folded in towards the center, and each section should be bisected by the earlier folds you made. so it looks like four fat triangles folded in towards the center, and then each of the fat triangles is made up of two right triangles.

still with me? good. take your box of crayons and pick eight of your favorite colors. make each of the small right triangles a different color.

now open up the four fat triangles. it is time to show off your fortune-tellling skillz. underneath each of the small right triangles, write a different fortune.

after you've written the fortunes, fold the fat triangles back in towards the center. okay. phew. your work is done. here's how to play with your New Favorite Toy (TM):

1. Grab a friend.
2. Stick yo' fingers in the finger flaps.
3. Four numbers should be visible. Get your Friend (TM) to pick one of the four numbers. (EX: In my Chinese Fortune Teller (TM), you can choose between SEVEN, THIRTEEN, NINE, and FOUR.)
4. Your Chinese Fortune Teller (TM) has the ability to open in two directions: vertically (with forefingers together and thumbs together) and horizontally (with each forefinger and thumb together). When your friend picks a number, you use that number to determine how many times you open and close your Chinese Fortune Teller (TM)--alternating between the two directions. (EX: if your friend picks FOUR, you open up (1), sideways (2), up (3), sideways (4).)
5. Now there should be four colors visible (out of the eight total). Get your friend to pick a color. (EX: In my Chinese Fortune Teller (TM), the four colors I can see right now are PURPLE, BLUE, RED, and YELLOW.)
6. When your friend picks a color, unfold the colored section and read the fortune underneath. (EX: In my Chinese Fortune Teller (TM), if my friend picks BLUE, my friend will receive this fortune: YOU WILL BE BALD.)

remember, there are eight possible fortunes, so if you can find a willing Friend (TM), you could potentially entertain yourself for approximately TEN MINUTES with the Chinese Fortune Teller (TM). once you bore that friend with your Cool Toy (TM), you can find another friend and do it all again--which provides you with another [approximated] TEN MINUTES of Fun (TM)! in fact, the potential for entertainment provided by this toy (potential measured in terms of how much time you waste playing with it) is directly proportionate to the number of friends you have; thus, if you have an infinite number of friends, you could entertain yourself with this toy forever!

on the other hand, if you have no friends, i guess you're just screwed.