« April 2008 | Main | June 2008 »

6 posts from May 2008

easily pleased

cecile just knocked on my door and walked in with a tray of buttered tostada with two kinds of jam and a glass of juice with a sliced strawberry garnish.

“para ti,” she said, smiling.

i was hungry, in the middle of writing a long letter to brett. it is one of those unpleasant letters. i talked to cecile about it last night and she made some fantastically vivid hand motions to demonstrate how guys push buttons to make you angry and then act like you’re insane.

so she shows up in my bedroom with this pretty breakfast tray, knowing without having seen me yet this morning that i am writing this unpleasant letter. and i am so delighted by the breakfast and so grateful that tears literally spring to my eyes. not like crying. it was strange. i told her she was the most amazing person ever and she smiled and looked kind of startled and i took a picture of her holding the tray and also a picture of just the tray.

after she left, i thought of the time breton brought me breakfast in bed. we were living on jim taylor; it was the morning of my 20th birthday. she knocked on my door and walked in with hotcakes and sausage from mcdonald’s. mcdonald’s pancakes are like rubbery edible clouds. they have the weirdest and most awesome texture ever. but i never woke up early enough to make it there for breakfast. so she walks in with the hotcakes and i am totally thrilled. like waving-my-arms-around excited.

her face goes from uncertain to relieved and she says, “oh, good. i mean i know it’s not much of a birthday present and i really wasn’t sure if you were going to like this but i know you never wake up in time for breakfast...”

me: “this is the best birthday present ever!”

sometimes breakfast in bed is a magical thing.

but what would you change if you could

i know everyone who lives in a foreign land and learns the language has this experience, but let me just emphasize how weird it is:

i'm on page 178 of my 250-page spanish workbook. i bought it after christmas, and i'm a little behind schedule, but basically if i do three pages every day, i'll be done before i leave. and that is the goal.

it's been really awesome to finally get a good grammar review and be able to use verb tenses other than present.

i've been doing an intercambio (language exchange) with my flamenco teacher, which is also awesome in several ways, such as: my flamenco teacher, who is so cool, wants to hang out with me! and she tells me sordid tales about her very famous flamenco friends! anyway, last week, while telling her a story, i successfully used past perfect tense: había estado. i said it, and i asked her if it was right, and she said yes, and i raised my arms victoriously. en serio.

all thanks to the workbook.

so yesterday there was an explanation of when to use the subjunctive tense, which is apparently way more important than my teachers made it out to be in high school. this explanation had to do with using the subjunctive tense when you precede an independent clause with a comment or evaluation. the example had a picture of a dad telling his daughter, "you should know that mommy and daddy have ordered a little brother from the stork..." and the girl says, "¡qué bien que mamá esté embarazada!" - how great that mom is pregnant!

i had to look up "cigüeña" for stork. 

later, after ballet class, i was stretching on the floor of the second studio, and loles ran in to grab something. they were practicing "big spender," so she was wearing crazy high heels, and as she ran back out she said, "i'm like that bird, you know, the one that stands on one leg" - and i said "flamingo?" - and she said, "the one that brings the babies" - stork. i tried to say it: "cir...ciru....cirgu...." and she said, "cigüeña."

seriously, what are the odds that on the same day i learn the word for "stork" it comes up in casual conversation?

--------

there's a new wrinkle in the living situation.
isn't there always a new wrinkle?

i don't really feel like talking about my living situation - ever again - but here we go.

cristian is in an open relationship, i guess, with this girl named desiree. she lived with cristian and alicia last year. she's the one who had put the ad up on easypiso.com and she's the first person i communicated with about renting the apartment. but she's been in canada the whole year, so i've never laid eyes on her before. obviously she doesn't pay rent or bills on the apartment, or live there.

when we first moved in, cristian and alicia told us that the three orange wax candle holders were desi's, and we should be careful with them. also the set of six purple wine glasses.

cecile's mom, over christmas, apparently did some damage to the smallest of the three orange wax candle holders. cristian asked cecile to try to get it repaired. she tried but couldn't.

so this weekend alicia mentioned that cristian was coming back on monday, just to get his things.  on tuesday i stuck my head in his room to say hello. there was a girl in there, who i recognized from pictures to be desi.

'hola,' i said.

she made a face, or an un-face, like i was not even worth smiling at, and said flatly, 'hola.'

no "hola, soy desi" - no kisses - nothing. no introduction.

i was like...uhhhhhh........okay. and said hi to cristian, who greeted me warmly, and then i went to my room.

later that night i went to cecile's room and she asks, "have you seen desi?" and i say, "yeah...she seems like..."

and cecile says, in her strongly accented english, "like a crazy bitch??" and i was like....yeah.

apparently cecile had the same no-introduction experience. then later, desi knocked on her door and told her, "you need to keep your window closed when you're not home, because someone will try to get in, and i have valuable things here."

cecile's like...i'm sorry, do you live here? why do you think you can tell me what to do?

that's pretty typical, the "tienes que...." stuff from spaniards. anyway, cecile's like, "i'm sure she's going to tell me something about the candle. i'm not giving her money for it."

now, i sort of think cecile should pay for the candle if she fucked it up. on the other hand, desi really does seem like a crazy bitch. and who wants to give anything to a crazy bitch?

so cecile and i go to fix dinner, and cristian comes into the kitchen, and in a very uncharacteristic asshole tone of voice, says, "what are you going to do about the candle?" and cecile explains that she tried to get it fixed, but couldn't. and he says, "so you're going to pay for it then?" and she says, "well, no."

then desi enters and basically goes totally berserk. she gets all up in cecile's face. she calls cecile "niña" - as in, "listen, child," - and says cecile is "verde." among the more interesting things she says: "this is my apartment. my boyfriend lives here. everything in this apartment is mine." cecile's like, "oh i didn't realize you were the dueña of the piso" - the landlord. and desi says, "almost!"

they start in spanish and switch to french and very long story short, cristian ends up between them and desi lunges at cecile and cecile lunges back and then storms off to her bedroom. i was chopping garlic for dinner during all this. i chopped it into tiny tiny tiny tiny pieces, and i was shaking. and it wasn't even my fight!

anyway, so desi's totally insane. but apparently a lot of the stuff in the apartment - most importantly, the kitchen stuff - is desi's, and not cristian's or alicia's. unbeknownst to me and cecile. and she's packing up. i overheard her today telling cristian something to the effect of: "i haven't seen alicia cooking so i don't see the point in leaving my pots and pans here."

i've been feeling anxious and guilty about bailing on the rent for june, etc. this has been replaced by anxiety about having to buy kitchen stuff for the last three weeks i'm here.

--------

it rained today, which was annoying because i was cold in my skirt. but i went and played piano for an hour. i started with 'raining in baltimore,' which i haven't played in over a year, probably. and i learned it so long ago that it isn't in my notebook. so i sat there with my hands on the keys to remember. 

i knew it had a Bb major, because every counting crows song i know on piano has a Bb major in it. and then i remembered part of the bridge that started with a C major. and the transition to the bridge that walks up from F.

i played it twice through on the grand piano. normally i play the upright; it costs 3 euros for an hour. the acoustics in the room with the upright are awful and tinny. i played the grand once and the room acoustics were far better, and of course the piano was nicer. but it's 5 euros for an hour, and i'm on a budget. (i actually have 12 euros set aside as my monthly piano 'bill' - i can play piano once a week - on the upright - and it doesn't count towards my daily allowance.)

so when i got to the piano shop, the guy told me to use the second room. i was hoping he didn't mean the grand piano, so i went to the room with the upright, but he said no. he led me to the grand and said something about not being able to use the other one right now.

i said, "and this one is five euros?"

and he's like "yeah...well....i guess it doesn't really matter to me."

meaning i could play it for three euros.

so this is me patting myself on the back. does that count for being assertive? in spanish? i think it does.

and the grand was so sweet. i played rainy day music for an hour and was so relaxed afterwards that i took a nap.

don't beat your head against a wok: and other accidents

i.

many years ago on december 31, 2004, i joined facebook. shortly thereafter i started a facebook photo album which i titled 'you and me and everyone we know.'

some time later, while browsing the new releases in blockbuster, i came across an interesting-looking movie called me and you and everyone we know. and man, i was pissed.

no, i didn't see a preview and forget about it but the name stuck in my head. i made up 'you and me and everyone we know.' and miranda july made up 'me and you and everyone we know.' but she is famous and made a movie so she pretty much has dibs. it's annoying.

before that, i wrote a short story. i guess it was in the fall semester of 2004, because rikki and i were living together. i wrote a story from the first-person perspective of a middle-aged southern white dude. his wife was having kind of a hard time so she took to reading self-help books and inflicting pop psychology on her family. i titled it 'the only thing i know for sure,' which i didn't like too much because it reminded me of godawful wally lamb's i know this much is true.

well today i went to put bastard out of carolina on my amazon wishlist, and guess what i fucking found.

dorothy allison has another book: two or three things i know for sure.

god damn! it's a good fucking thing i retitled that story before submitting my grad school applications! though to be honest i have no idea what i called it. 'recovery,' i think.

no. haha. i just looked it up: 'remedy.'

god, between that and my recent discovery of author george singleton - who writes in, i don't know, the exact same voice as the one i used in that story - and the fact that my other submission was in second person a la lorrie moore -

i mean, i know 'there's nothing new under the sun' but come fucking on.

ii.

becca was sharing some notes with me from her art history class. the notes are mostly from one smart girl, but apparently the smart girl missed a few classes and had another classmate fill in the gaps.

this classmate is maybe not so smart (her notes often mention 'rodiron' detail - you know, the fancy black metal stuff on new orleans balconies...) but she's got a way with words.

my favorites:
-- unfeathered imagination
-- the emotional british pottery of shakespear

when i leave spain, i'm going to have to change my blog title. maybe these are contenders.

iii.

we're unlearning english.

in the previous post, i mention a rule for subjunctive tense in spanish - that if you've got an independent clause (e.g., "mom is pregnant") and you want to comment on the clause (e.g., "how great that mom is pregnant"), you need to use the subjunctive.

my workbook says you use subjunctive for "comentario o valoración." translating that to english, i wrote "comment or valoration." and i was convinced for about ten minutes that "valoration" was a real word in english. it should be a word. it sounds like a word. it makes sense to me.

in fact, valoration is not a word. wordreference recommended 'valuation' or 'evaluation.' i went with evaluation, but you know what? i like valoration better.

other words that are better in spanish:
tranquilo. pues. me falta. me apetece. the latter makes me want to say "it appetizes me" even though i could ostensibly use "it appeals to me" instead.

i consistently say 'intentar' when i mean 'probar' - both mean 'to try' - but intentar is to attempt, and probar is to taste.

i went shopping (or shopping-watching) with lisa and stevie today; we took a break at the ice cream place in puerta real. the nutella flavor me apeteció, and i stood at the counter repeating 'probar' to myself to avoid my usual error of asking to attempt a food. (al final i got a different flavor without trying it.)

i mentioned my problem to lisa, who told me she's got a spanish student who always says 'probe' in english for 'probar.'

as in, "can i probe that ice cream?"

also: today lisa suggested that we talk to a friend of mine and 'explain her' something.

new lows, my friends. these are new depths we've sunk to.

song for my mother

from: ann g____
to:
claire d____
date:
5/15/08 at 6:22pm
subject:
bilingual birthday greeting

cumpleaños feliz
cumpleaños feliz
te deseo a tiiii
cumpleaños feliz

=====

happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday dear mooom [simultaneously: aunt coookieeee]
happy birthday to you

stand up stand up
stand up and show us your face your face
stand up stand up
stand up and show us your face

happy birthday to you
ooh yeah uh huh okay red hot
happy birthday to you
ooh yeah uh huh okay red hot
happy birthday dear moom [simultaneously: aunt cookie]
ooh yeah uh huh okay red hot....

haaaaappy birthday to you
ooh yeah
uh huh
oookayyy
reeeeeed hoooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooottttt

blow out the candles! no kevin get out the way
mom kevin spit on the cake
michael it was my turn to blow on the candles
michael stop crying!
ann don't yell at your brother!

light them again! light them again!

(i love you!)

band girlfriend

email to brett / may 18 / 9:05pm

we listened to the trrr cd on the way back from san josé.

i was only gonna play one song - i didn't want to be the annoying girl who forces everyone to listen to her boyfriend's band's CD.

but it's so good, and i was so happy to listen to it, that we listened to the whole thing.

cecile asked me 10000000 questions about it, to the point that i had to clap my hands and be like CECILE. LESS TALKING MORE LISTENING TO THE MUSIC. she asked what you played and when i said you did vocals, she was like 'he sings by himself?' and i'm like yeah.

and she's like 'but they're not his lyrics.' and i was like, yeah, they are.

then she asked me a million more questions about if you wrote about me. i was like i dunno, i can't understand what the hell he's saying, and i haven't heard the new songs, but these aren't about me because he wrote them way before he met me.

'but what are they about?'
other girls.

'how can you deal with that? what does he say?'
i don't know, he won't write down the lyrics for me, but i know more or less what they're about.

'but why don't you ask him to write a song about you?'
....because that would be really annoying. and too much pressure.

'but you could just ask him.'
no. if he asked me to write a story about him i would laugh at him. and also he wouldn't ask me that.

lisa wanted to know: what if you asked me, "have you written a story about me?"

and i was like, "well, he knows i haven't written fiction in a million years. but i've written about him on my blog and he knows about that, and he reads it and asks me if it's about him, and i'm like 'who the fuck else would it be about?'"

cecile asked,  "why don't you write lyrics for one of the songs?"
for one, because it's more like poetry and i can't write poetry. and for two, it's his band and it's his thing.

and she said, "but i think it would be cool" and i was like but it's not my thing. we can play together and sing and stuff but his band is his thing.

i told them how i tried to figure out the lyrics and make you correct them, in lieu of you writing them down for me, and about how i think it sounds like you say 'cheeseburger!' in awful eyes. and how you asked if you could write a song about a girl with gray hair, and i was like uhhhh no.

and lisa said you sang well, and i said yeah (awful eyes was on) and i said how you were less concerned about singing "well" and more concerned about sounding cool, and how i thought that was hilarious but also i could see your point. and she said you did sound cool. and i said yeah.

and i said how it was good that i liked your band before i met you, because what if i met you but i didn't like your band? and i probably wouldn't have gone out with you.

and then i had to tell cecile the story of how i heard your band and then met you.

so i'm all smiley and we're listening to the CD and then lisa's like, "aren't you so excited to go home?"

and i realized that i really am going home so soon and i said, "oh my god, i'm leaving soon." i started taking pictures out the window and it was the first time i felt sad and urgent about leaving spain.

réquiem

this afternoon, i met with maría for our last intercambio. we got the good dark chocolate ice cream in puerta real and chatted at an outdoor café for about three hours.

it's hot today, tank top weather, and i was wearing my sunglasses. when i met up with her, i took them off to be polite. (i hate talking to people who are wearing sunglasses. i don't know where to look.) then my hands were full - cardigan, scarf, wallet, ipod, sunglasses. i stuck my change from the ice cream in one pocket and my sunglasses in the other.

we walked about half a block, sat in the shade at the café, talked. much later we walked back to puerta real, another half-block, and i stopped and checked for my sunglasses.

gone. gone gone gone. i've retraced my steps, emptied my purse, felt the top of my head and all my pockets.

i bought those glasses seven years ago. i went to canal place to see amelie with meghan h____ and bought the sunglasses at some kiosk on the first floor. they were forty dollars. i suppose i got my money's worth out of them.

i'd been thinking it was time to get new ones - they were scratched, and all the hip kids these days have enormous hipster sunglasses. which mine were not. they were, however, pink.

so farewell, trusty gafas, and thank you. you served me well. i am pissed that i lost you.

.

maría and i talked about 'flaky.' as an example, i told her how i'm late for everything, and that's a characteristic of a flaky person.

i told her that i absolutely won't be late for ballet class, though. (that and any kind of live theater.) if i don't have time to calmly put on my shoes and take my spot at the barre - and especially if i miss pliés - the class is shot. i'll never really feel on my legs and focused.

i said, "if i miss pliés, i won't be able to turn for the entire class."

she starts laughing and tells me this story:

she was dating this guy miguel, with whom she had crazy chemistry, and they would stay up all night "loving each other." he was also a spanish classical dancer, and he lived about five minutes from their dance studio. she would stay up with him but absolutely would not miss dance class. one night, after many hours of "loving" and one hour of sleep, she got up to go to class. he was like, "hell no, i'm staying in bed."

afterwards he asked her how it went.

"i couldn't turn for shit," she said, "but my turnout was the best it's been in my entire life."